To be honest, part of the reason why I have been absent from Tumblr for so long is because I’ve grown out of it. It’s not that I feel like I’m too good for Tumblr now, or that I’m too old or mature for it either. I’ve just simply grown out of it. Tumblr lost its appeal to me when I realized that superficiality had become so dominant in it. At the beginning, it was a place for me to express myself in a way that I couldn’t otherwise; it was a place where I could relate to others who shared the same thoughts and tribulations as me. It was a haven for all of the people who were books without covers. But now, it just doesn’t feel the same way. This is also partially my own fault, for I am the one who ultimately decided to inject my own superficial persona into it. Initially, I wanted to keep this blog anonymous. But that’s kind of tough now ‘cause most of you followers can place a face to “lacomtessenoire.” Anyways, I’m also really grateful for the people who I have crossed paths with here. Since I’m not sure how active I’ll be in the future, I’ll let people add me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=731646839

I recently went through this fit where I was so volatile upon any thought of my future. I finally confessed to my mother that I’m scared to graduate in two years because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m double-majoring in economics and art history, but can you really do with that? I’ve been thinking about applying for an internship in the fall at the Met, but those positions are so competitive and I highly doubt I’ll be able to get one. I’ve always thought I had everything under control. But I’m now realizing that I really don’t; I don’t know what I want to do, who I want to be, where I want to be. Oh, struggles.

…

I asked a guy recently what his favorite book was. It was a genuine question made out of curiosity. He said Neil Strauss. I had no clue whatsoever who that writer was so I just nodded my head and said “alright.” I finally Googled who Neil Strauss is. And I have concluded that the guy I asked the question to is an asshole who must think I’m a joke or something. That’s cool. I hope you drown in your own arrogance.

The problem is that I am searching for something intangible and potentially nonexistent. But I will continue to feel entirely empty until I am able to grasp this unidentified missing piece to me. What to do, what to do…

Deactivated my Facebook for now. I felt that it was needed.